Frequently Asked Questions

Question: What are the negative impacts of marijuana for a teenager who may use it occasionally?

Answer: I would first recognize that smoking anything is not good for the lungs.  Marijuana contains a large number of chemicals that interact with the human brain and we simply do not know the long term effects of any amount.  Marijuana does interfere with learning (retention) and learning is the largest part of being young.   It is illegal.  It interferes with getting to know yourself and learning how to be comfortable in public without a crutch. 

 

Question: How would I approach another child's parent if I suspected drug use?

Answer: I would be direct but not accusatory.  “I am not sure how you feel about this.  Some people might think it was none of my business, but  as a parent I would want to have you tell me.  I have heard from other children, mine included, that ____ is experimenting with marijuana/drugs.  I am of course curious as to how these other children know.  I am taking special time to talk with my children about their own use.  I hope you do not think I am stepping out of bounds.” 

 

Question: You said "we did everything we could think of."  What didn't you think of? (to Sarah)

Answer: We didn't sit down with a drug and alcohol facility or resource center with Ted.  Ted went to doctors, pastors and counselors, but they were not equipped to deal with his problem (which we did not know was primarily drugs) and they were under a privacy act not to tell us much, if anything.  We did not go to a place like Addiction Resource Council because we did not know it existed.  We didn't know anyone whose child had this problem.  We didn't even really know the real problem.  I wish we had had a number to call to ask questions when warning signs appeared.  I wish we had gone to a presentation like Your Choice. 

 

Question: What would you do differently? (to Sarah)

Answer: I would have instituted tougher love.  I was intimidated by Ted and compromised my role as the parent.  I also didn't want to believe he was stealing and lying and practicing other bad behaviors I suspected.  I read a book about boundaries with your adult children, which prompted us to get tougher, but that was not until Ted was 19 or 20.  I would have been empowered by a parent series like the Your Choice "Shoulder to Shoulder" where I would have learned tools to use in those difficult confrontations.

 

Question: Are any of the parents in Al Anon? 

Answer: Sarah Nielsen attends to 2 Al Anon meetings a week, has a sponsor and sponsors two women and works the program. She said "It has helped me immeasurably after losing myself during Ted's using and, altering some acquired behaviors after growing up in an alcoholic home."

It's a 12-step program for friends and family of alcoholics (or drug users.)  The program is not to get the alcoholic to stop drinking, it is to take care of yourself so that you live your life in relative peace whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.  I have lots of information and meeting locations etc.

 

Question: Does anyone involved with Your Choice have a licensed background? Addiction specialist? Counselor? Psychologist?

Answer: The Your Choice program is a program of the Addiction Resource Council in Waukesha. It is not a treatment program and does not require licensed providers.  The presenters in the program do not have a licensed background, their purpose is to share their personal experiences so that other parents can learn and not feel alone. However, the presenters, youth and parents, go through training at the Addiction Resource Council so that they can answer questions appropriately and know where to direct people that are in need of help. The Addiction Resource Council's assessment and referral staff have a minimum of a Bachelors Degree in human services and are State certified in assessment. There is a Certified Substance Abuse Counselor (CSAC) and Independent Clinical Supervisor on staff as well although ARC does not provide treatment services either.  ARC staff providing services in State Certified Programs must meet State of Wisconsin requirements under HFS 75 for Intervention and Prevention services.  

 

Question: What do you say to your kids when after talking to them about drugs and alcohol, they say "I know mom, I know, you don't have to keep telling us this, were not stupid"?

Answer: Assure your children that you do not think they are stupid but that this topic bears repeating.  Let them know your frequent talks about alcohol and other drug use are because you care about them.  Go along with them.say "OK, then you tell me what you know about alcohol and drugs."  This gives you a chance to make sure what they know is accurate. 

 

Question: How do we help others that are in denial about their usage?

Answer: There are many ways to confront denial from a caring position, but it takes planning and practice.  Denial is a deep-seated self-defense mechanism that develops over time and often requires time to break through.  "Get Your Loved One Sober" is a community-based program that helps concerned others learn how to communicate in a concerned, but effective manner, with someone who has an addiction.  If you would like more information on this program please contact the Addiction Resource Council at 262-524-7921 or jpearson@arcouncil.net.   Ask when the next "Get Your Loved One Sober" series will start.

 

Question: Do you know, based on research, if children in full-time daycare have lower parent connectedness? 

Answer: This is not an area we have expertise in.  Staff at Parent's Place in Waukesha is best for help with this question.  There number is 262-549-5575. 

 

Question: What are the "must-haves" for schools regarding prevention planning?

Answer: Good alcohol and other drug prevention programming should be accurate, multi-dimensional, age appropriate, and constant.  It should be worked into school curriculum as part of the school's mission to educate and it should involve community programming from all elements - health, social services, law enforcement, etc.  The most important "must-haves" for any prevention program are parents.     

 

Question: How do we keep other parents in the community from having alcoholic parties with the parents' consent?

Answer: It is impossible to control what goes on in another family's home.  The best you can do is to let them know that you are opposed to this and that you have told your child or children they are not to be there and that you would appreciate it if they would enforce this should your child or children show up against your wishes.  Also, encourage your police department to get involved with "Parents Who Host".  For more information contact Drug Free Communities or the Addiction Resource Council at 262-524-7921. 

 

Question: Do you come into health classes in school? 

Answer: When Your Choice presents at schools, we usually present in an assembly format so that we reach as many students as possible. But, we are more than willing to present in health classes.

 

Question: Would like to find more information about how to help child stay in recovery and find new friends.  

Answer: If you have a child that is in recovery and looking for new friends, your child is more than welcome to join the Your Choice youth team. Your child doesn't necessarily need to be a speaker, unless they want to, but they can meet other people in recovery, as well as, assist in planning alcohol free events. 

But really, this is a difficult question for us to answer.  We are hoping to start a recovery support group, train recovery coaches, and develop activities that are "recovery safe" for youth.  When we talk to recovering teens we often find that they are not comfortable in either the non-using or using crowd at school.  We strongly suggest getting your recovering teen into a structured group activity like volleyball, martial arts, book club, or even a class in the community.   It needs to be something they like and want to do.  It would be great if family members or others could join in too.     

   

Question: Create a branch of your program that partners with the schools - can you have a committee related to school drug and alcohol issues?

Answer: Your Choice is always looking for people who want to join in.  We want to partner with schools and welcome any opportunity to work collaboratively. 

 

Question: Could you refer me to someone regarding - Dealing with adults leaving over-the-counters out while children co-habitat with them? Can over-the-counter drugs become addictive?

Answer: OTC drugs are far from safe and should not be left where children can get them. Poisoning or overdose, allergies, and choking are all dangers presented by OTC drugs when not secured. Most OTC drugs are packaged with child proof caps. It is my belief that these substances should still be kept away from children. If you are concerned about the safety of a child, you could contact Child Protective services at (262) 548-7212 to learn more about what can be done. Answering your last question, some over the counter drugs can be habit forming but they are not generally considered addictive. The potential for addiction is one of the criteria for placing a drug or pharmaceutical under the watchful eye of the food and drug administration and entering it on to the list of controlled substances.

Question: I have a freshman in high school who will quite often talk/confide in/with me. How do I keep these lines of communication open without becoming their "friend"?

Answer: First, I trust that you have established that there are no "secrets" the two of you can share if health, well-being, or safety is involved.  Once this is understood, reinforce how good you feel when the two of you talk and how important and loved you feel when he/she confides in you. Find time to continue these chats, follow-up on previous conversations and establish your willingness to listen. Also, do not despair if the communication seems to falter. Teens need to develop their independence, stretch their wings, where it is safe, and sometimes this means that parents are temporarily replaced by others as confidants. Remember..if you have a good solid communication base you will most likely be sought out when tough questions arise.

 

Question: Does Your Choice have research backing their anecdotal presentations?

Answer: I am not quite certain how to answer your question. The objective of the program is to teach families - parents and teens - how to recognize the early warning signs of substance abuse and addiction and empower families to intervene quickly and early.  The parent and youth presentations are experiential - real life - and not the subject of research. The presentation format is used to raise awareness and heighten recognition of early warning signs, not to prevent use or treat addiction.  We believe that families are natural "first responders" for these early warning signs, but they have to know what they look like and they have to know what to do if they see them.  Families also need the social barriers to recognition of early warning signs removed.  In this regard, the presentations raise awareness of the fact that addiction can and does affect ordinary people, that just one use may alter a family forever, and awareness that alcohol and drug abuse and addiction does not always look like it does on television or in the movies. We know there are children and teens in families that are using.  We can wait until there is a family in obvious trouble and try to stop the progression or we can give families the tools to identify the early warning signs and the resources they need to intervene.  To date twenty-seven families have self-identified as needing intervention services and many of them needed treatment services as well.  They are meeting, talking, reinforcing each other and normalizing recovery for those youth and families that need to be there.  The Addiction Resource Council has established a series of programs to help families who are concerned about someone they love.  Additionally, Your Choice - Live has a Parent Network that offers "One Family to Another" where a family in recovery will work with a family that is struggling with a substance abuse issue to create a plan of action.  Addiction is a progressive disease.  If you wait until addiction is obvious it is also a disease that is difficult to place in remission.  Science offers a promise for the future of addictive disorders that we have never before seen but sometimes we need to use the wisdom and experience that is with us now and allow the practice of science to catch up.